


RAIN

by MargotCelvin



Series: completely unrelated "songfics" [1]
Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Album: Sing To Me Instead (Ben Platt), But this is my world and I make the rules, Connor Murphy & Zoe Murphy Get Along, Connor Murphy Lives (Dear Evan Hansen), First Kiss, Fluff, Getting Together, Kinda, Kissing in the Rain, M/M, Probably ooc, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-30
Updated: 2020-09-30
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:07:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,670
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26727178
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MargotCelvin/pseuds/MargotCelvin
Summary: I got really into Ben Platt's music and this ship. This is the result.
Relationships: Evan Hansen/Connor Murphy
Series: completely unrelated "songfics" [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1989844
Kudos: 28





	RAIN

Today hadn’t started out the best.

Evan had woken up later than he meant to, hitting the snooze button one too many times. He had still been able to get ready in enough time for Connor to pick him up. Evan had joked that it was his fault that Evan overslept since someone had been texting him all night. This of course had caused Connor to laugh since it was true.

At school, Evan had been able to avoid most social interactions due to Connor’s permanent glare that was directed at everyone except the small, bouncy boy he called his best friend. Evan had come out of his shell so much when it came to hanging out with Connor, no one else really got to see him like that. They had been at lunch with Zoe, Alana, and Jared, Evan excitedly talking about some of the new trees that the park was getting, when the day seemingly turned to shit. All because of one Jared Kleinman.

“You know, you sound a little insane when you talk about trees like that. I mean, they’re just trees,” Jared completely interrupted the boy. The table watched as Evan’s face fell.

“Says the guy who ate a bath bomb,” Connor muttered.

“What was that-”

“Hey!” Zoe interrupted. She knew that he only had a handful of insults when it came to Connor and all of them would set Connor off. He had been doing so well and she wasn’t going to let this happen here. “You need to shut it,” she said, threatening Jared with her spork before turning to Evan, “And you don’t sound insane when you talk about trees or anything else for that matter.”

“I thought it was pretty interesting,” Alana added.

“It’s okay. I was pretty much done anyway,” Evan said, pointedly avoiding Connor’s gaze because he knew Evan was lying. Connor had joked one time that Evan could talk about trees until the day he died and never repeat himself. Evan had flushed and ducked his head, which Connor had thought was adorable but that was beside the point.

The conversation at the table resumed and Evan stayed silent. If only Kleinman hadn’t opened his big, dumb mouth. Connor just wanted to make today better for the boy next to him. A boy he had been harboring a crush on for what he wanted to call a few weeks, but it was much longer than that. An idea sprouted in his head.

“Do you want to go to the orchard after school?” Connor whispered in Evan’s ear. Evan gestured between them, Connor nodded, and then Evan nodded as well, a very small smirk forming on his lips. It was big enough for Zoe to notice but that didn’t really mean anything. It helped that she was ignoring the argument that was happening next to her. Alana had probably started it to keep Jared’s attention off of Evan. Kleinman was clearly in a mood today.

It was a good thing Jared wasn’t paying attention to the other side of the table or he would’ve seen Evan pull Connor’s hand off the table so that he could hold it under brightly colored plastic. They had held hands before, usually, it was when Evan was having a panic attack, it helped ground him a little more to here and now. But Evan wasn’t panicking. A clam expression was on his face as he scrolled through his phone.

Connor really hoped that the jump in his heart rate wasn’t noticeable to Evan. Although he was sure Evan knew somehow. Zoe knew. She had straightened up and gone from looking shocked to having a very knowing look on her face. Connor glared at her, but there was no heat behind it.

The bell rang, calling an end to lunch, Jared and Alana’s argument, and the moment between Connor and Evan. However, Connor was fairly hopeful that the moment between them could continue at the orchard.

He wasn’t quite sure of Evan’s feelings for him but he knew how he felt about Evan. He was completely, utterly in love. He loved everything about him. The way his eyes lit up when he talked about anything he cared about, mostly plants. The way he wore sweaters over his polos when the temperature dropped because he doesn’t feel completely comfortable without them yet. The way he chews on the end of his pen when they do homework together to keep himself from muttering and interrupting Connor’s train of thought. The way he’ll drop whatever he’s doing at whatever time of day or night to listen and help Connor on bad days because “you do the same.”

And while he couldn’t really see anything that made him special or even worthy of Evan’s affections, he relished in them. He took so much comfort in the way Evan played with his hair when he was upset. He was sure he could fly when could still smell Evan on a hoodie he borrowed despite that being days ago. He loved that Evan could tell his hoodies apart despite them all being plain and black. He made sure Connor was taking care of himself without making it seem like he couldn’t, only that he needed reminding occasionally, but so did Evan.

If he thought about it really hard and wasn’t self-deprecating for a few minutes, he guessed he must help Evan too. He could certainly see the influence he had over the other boy. Evan seemed fractionally calmer in public when he was with Connor, knowing that he could turn to him when it inevitably became too much. Evan actually listened to the things his therapist told him to do since he would tell Connor how every session went on the drive home. Connor couldn’t recount the number of times he had reminded Evan to sleep or eat or shower or generally take care of himself when Heidi worked evenings or nights.

He also couldn’t recount where the last few periods of the day went either. Seemingly coming to as the last bell of the day rang. His brain had totally checked out because he was thinking about Evan. He needed to stop doing that.

What he did need to do was get his ass moving because if he took forever Evan was going to freak out. He would think that Connor had canceled plans as if he would ever say no to hanging out with Evan. Or he would think that Connor was joking and that he had taken it too seriously which would make him sad, which would make Connor irrationally upset.

Connor was happy to see Evan waiting by his locker, scrolling through nothing on his phone to avoid talking to people. He had been getting better, but school and interacting with peers was something he was still working on. At least he didn’t stutter quite so much anymore. He had stopped stuttering around Connor and their friends completely at this point.

“Hey,” Connor kept his voice as to not spook Evan too much, it kinda worked seeing as he only jumped slightly, “How were the rest of your classes?”

“Um. They were fine. Jared didn’t make too many other rude comments. It helped that I didn’t talk.”

“You never talk in class. I’m always impressed when I get you to respond to texts in class.”

“You don’t do it often so I’m always concerned when they come in,” Evan countered slipping into the passenger seat of Connor’s car. He spent more time in this spot than anyone else. He liked that. It made it feel special to him.

“Why do you worry about me?”

“Because I care about you.”

“Is that why you held my hand earlier?”

“Something like that,” Evan seemed like he was edging into embarrassment.

“I liked it,” Evan looked up at him, “And I wouldn’t mind if you did it again.” Evan didn’t. It wasn’t because he didn’t want to, but because he couldn’t find the confidence that he had earlier to do so again, although he really wished he could.

Evan stared out the window and watched as their hometown flew by. It was relaxing, even though Connor sped like crazy, it kind of helped somehow. The world blurred a little more. It was easier for him to lose himself in whatever music Connor had playing and just pretend that his world didn’t extend past this car.

Connor noticed that they were currently outrunning the rainclouds that were hanging overhead. Oh well. Even if it rained, they would be able to spend a few hours out at the orchard. Hopefully, it would be enough to boost Evan’s slightly bruised emotions.

The orchard had been abandoned for years. Connor used to come out here to get high and contemplate his life and death. Now he comes out here with Evan to escape, it has a much happier context now.

Once they sat down under a tree that they had dubbed as theirs, Evan started back onto his rant from lunch, going off on random tangents when they popped up. Connor was listening, occasionally humming or nodding when appropriate to make sure Evan knew that. Okay, most of him was listening.

There was a lot of Connor that was far too invested in etching Evan’s features into his brain so that he could never forget them. He was hoping that there was really no reason for him to do this, but he was scared about losing this. That’s why he hadn’t done anything about his feelings. He couldn’t lose any of this.

Connor had worked like utter hell to get to where he was now. He had friends and a sister that enjoyed his company most of the time. He wasn’t perfect or completely cured, he never would be, but he had more control. He didn’t feel like everything and everyone was going to set him off and that he would be alone when he inevitably exploded. It was a great feeling. And a lot of it had to do with Evan.

Evan knew what it was like to feel alone like no one could see him. Evan knew what it was like to feel utterly hopeless like no one would miss you if you were gone. But Evan would miss Connor if he were gone. He missed him when the two didn’t talk for more than a day. When Connor had gotten the flu Evan came by to help take care of him despite being worried about getting sick because he missed seeing his face in the hallway at school. Zoe had picked him up for school so it wasn’t like he missed having a ride.

He needed this. He needed this comfort and stability despite neither of them being stable people. They were growing together and maybe they couldn’t grow together anymore if Connor ruined it with all his emotions. Emotions that he had kept locked away for so long. How Evan had found the carefully hidden key to his heart, he would never figure out.

God his brain was getting sappy. He really needed to stop going down this rabbit hole or he would do something he absolutely regretted. Like, tell Evan how he felt.

Connor closed his eyes and leaned his head back onto the trunk of the tree. It wasn’t comfortable by any means, but maybe it would help ground him back to reality, whatever that meant.

“Are you okay?” Evan asked. Connor had barely noticed that Evan had stopped rambling for trees for a second.

Connor opened his eyes but didn’t move his head, “Yeah. Was just enjoying all this.”

“All what?” Connor shrugged. He really didn’t know what he meant. If he had to guess, he was talking about the sound of Evan’s talking and the feeling of someone else leaning against him slightly, almost like he was trusted. “Did you want me to stop talking?”

“You don’t have to.” Evan thought for a moment before leaning further into Connor’s side, sitting his head on the taller boy’s shoulder. Connor felt his eyes slip closed again when Evan started humming. What, Connor didn’t know but it didn’t matter. Evan was mostly just trying to fill the silence. When it was too quiet, Evan’s brain filled in the blanks but it almost was never anything pleasant.

He doesn’t know how long they sat there. It was peaceful. Evan broke the moment, but it was only because a droplet of water hit him in the face.

“It’s starting to rain.” Connor opened his eyes and leaned forward slightly. The clouds he had seen earlier had finally caught up with them.

“Do you want to head out?” They could probably keep fairly dry from where they were. Evan didn’t answer right away, instead watching the way the raindrops bounced from branch to branch of the trees around them.

“Do you know the phrase dancing in the rain?”

“Everyone does, why?”

“I’ve never done that. I’ve never done anything fun in the rain.”

“Not even as a kid?” Evan shook his head. He had never been worried about getting sick. He had always been afraid of other people seeing him. Jared had enough ammunition against him, acting like an idiot in the rain did not need to be added to that. Connor stood up and moved so Evan had to turn his attention to him. “Dance with me.”

“What?”

“Dance with me. In the rain.”

“We’re adults.”

“Doesn’t matter.” Evan chewed on the inside of his cheek as he thought over this. “I’m not taking no for an answer.” He would if there was a really, really good reason for it. But since neither of them could think of a real reason Evan would disagree, he wasn’t taking no.

“Fine.” Evan let himself get pulled up to his feet and led into the rain. It had started raining harder during their conversation. Evan jumped slightly at the slight thunder that could be heard off in the distance. But there was no lightning around them yet so they would be fine.

Connor had taken the lead of dancing to some imaginary tune. Evan tried his hardest not to laugh. It didn’t work. Especially when Connor flipped his hair out of his face as dramatically as possible. They danced for what seemed like a long time. Occasionally Connor would do something dramatic or stupid to get Evan to laugh, which made him laugh as well.

Evan was spun around and pulled into Connor’s chest. He could feel how hard Connor was breathing, both from laughing and dancing. He could feel how warm Connor’s breath was against his face. He could see how soft Connor’s lips looked and he realized how much he wanted to kiss Connor.

He was scared. He knew how Connor felt about him. Connor had said something when he thought Evan was asleep at one of their sleepovers. He hadn’t been playing with Connor’s emotions, at least not intentionally. He had been too scared to do anything. But he was here now. He could hear the thunder far away from them, although it was getting closer. He felt like maybe, for once, he wasn’t scared about this. And if he wasn’t scared, that meant that he had enough courage to lean in and kiss Connor.

Connor promptly short-circuited. Never once in his wildest dreams had he imagined Evan being the one that crossed this bridge he had built in his head. He had made plans to tell Evan about how he felt, eventually. But all of those plans went out the window when he felt Evan’s lips on his. He pulled Evan against him, kissing back with all the emotion he could.

Sure, they had both been scared about what something like this would mean for their future. But they weren’t scared now. They would be fine. They would be able to get through anything that came their way because they had each other. That was all that really mattered.

**Author's Note:**

> I may come back and fix the ending but I can't really make any promises about that. 
> 
> Come fangirl with me/say hello on my Tumblr or Twitter. Both are @MargotCelvin !


End file.
